dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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