he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
