I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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