"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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