I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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