yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
