Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
