your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
