1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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