Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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