the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
