Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
