Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
