great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
