in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
