Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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