Swine flu. Run for my life!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
