This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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