he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
