Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
