a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
