ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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