im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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