Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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