Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
