The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
