I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
