my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
