I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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