Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
