When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
