He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
