i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
