I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
