anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
