it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
