So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
