Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed

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  (503): I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed http://tfl.nu/wtld
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."

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  (508): She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth." http://tfl.nu/jx23
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  (925): View more from California

  we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks

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  (925): we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks http://tfl.nu/odpi
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.

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  (610): i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub. http://tfl.nu/fmmx
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut

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  (507): there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut http://tfl.nu/7k06
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  (915): View more from Texas

  like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

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  (915): like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on http://tfl.nu/aizw
  Replies (7) Good night (4238) Bad night (841)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

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  (918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.

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  (440): The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night. http://tfl.nu/gsoj
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake

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  (514): Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake http://tfl.nu/tx6v
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....

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  (217): it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning.... http://tfl.nu/jakw
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka

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  (618): I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka http://tfl.nu/yt16
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War

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  (704): If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War http://tfl.nu/ppmx
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  (607): View more from New York

  You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.

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  (607): You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house. http://tfl.nu/rggh
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.

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  (850): He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other. http://tfl.nu/l9kx
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.

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  (601): In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school. http://tfl.nu/n19e
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