i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
