Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?