Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Your tits are I can't wait for
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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