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I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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