Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.

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  (239): I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix. http://tfl.nu/krua
  Replies (17) Good night (731) Bad night (1749)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know

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  (727): a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know http://tfl.nu/finx
  Replies (35) Good night (4281) Bad night (812)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  She announced her abortion via fbk

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  (864): She announced her abortion via fbk http://tfl.nu/kc9n
  Replies (68) Good night (653) Bad night (6416)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv

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  (615): a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv http://tfl.nu/wh93
  Replies (15) Good night (1171) Bad night (4046)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat

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  (214): I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat http://tfl.nu/a753
  Replies (18) Good night (5340) Bad night (2741)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.

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  (513): I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here. http://tfl.nu/bgry
  Replies (11) Good night (2740) Bad night (1403)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.

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  (319): I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie. http://tfl.nu/hxcl
  Replies (13) Good night (3103) Bad night (1141)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade

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  (802): Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade http://tfl.nu/ve1a
  Replies (22) Good night (1958) Bad night (3307)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again

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  (401): I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again http://tfl.nu/o3kd
  Replies (14) Good night (2134) Bad night (693)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home

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  (360): well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home http://tfl.nu/1sb0
  Replies (8) Good night (2766) Bad night (640)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.

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  (907): It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome. http://tfl.nu/2baz
  Replies (8) Good night (2388) Bad night (452)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.

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  (251): You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER. http://tfl.nu/1azh
  Replies (7) Good night (470) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.

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  (908): Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila. http://tfl.nu/habz
  Replies (3) Good night (574) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.

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  (443): Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos. http://tfl.nu/iwo5
  Replies (8) Good night (1590) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  can i bring anything?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  is there a theme i should know about?

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  (412): can i bring anything? (443): Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer (412): is there a theme i should know about? http://tfl.nu/49rz
  Replies (2) Good night (653) Bad night (219)

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