how can u be prego again
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
