And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
