She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
