Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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