Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
