Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The maid of honor just puked.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
