Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
