Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
