dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
