My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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