So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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