i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
