She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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