I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
