It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I will pee on everything he values.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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