my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize