Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
