you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he fucked my hip out of place.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
