smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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