You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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