He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
