in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
