Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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