i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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