I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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