he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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