This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
