Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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