Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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