Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
