she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
