I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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