I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she smelled like a LAN party
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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