i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
