I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Fuck appropriateness.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
