First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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