I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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