I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
