): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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